This week in PC games: Tony Hawk, eerie cat miners and all the speedrunning you can eat

What we're feeding the Maw

Last week was a week of cancellations, layoffs and wide immiseration, truthful let's effort to bless this 1 with immoderate introductory dada jokes.

Did you perceive astir the femme fatale who had to telephone tech support? You see, her legs wouldn't quit. Did you perceive astir the femme fatale who had to telephone Minecraft tech support? You see, her logs wouldn't cut. Did you perceive astir the femme fatale with a precise precocious ping who had to retreat from a Counter-Strike tournament? You see, her lags wouldn't suffice her for competing successful a nonrecreational esport. True enough, each of these witticisms are an offence against quality and you should constitute amended ones successful the comments. But first, fto america talk of caller PC games - and PC gaming news.

Monday 7th July

• Time-poor players rejoice, for yearly speedrunning festival Summer Games Done Quick is present underway. It got started connected Sunday, actually, but contiguous is erstwhile the any%ing begins successful earnest. Viewer donations spell to Doctors Without Borders - they've rustled up astir $179,000 truthful far.

Tuesday 8th July

• Missile Command Delta is Missile Command but turn-based and played wrong a crippled successful which you research a sinister, puzzle-filled base. Someday, 1 of these batshit Atari revivo-splicings volition instrumentality the landing. Will 8th July beryllium that someday? Or volition it simply beryllium the archetypal time of Develop successful Brighton, the UK games industry's yearly mini-GDC and/or shady precocious nighttime poker game?

Wednesday 9th July

• Nothing truly catches my oculus today, truthful I'm going to bargain a merchandise from Thursday 10th: teampunk punkshooter Mycopunk, which is benignant of Destiny but acceptable successful a mouldy scrapyard.

Thursday 10th July

• Let america plumb immoderate depths. In Occlude, you play baleful transmogrifications of Solitaire to unlock entree to an occult archive. In Everdeep Aurora, you are a bright-eyed drillcat tunnelling done a bountiful underground Game Boy world. If you're much builder than burrower, determination are archipelagoes to decorate successful Islanders: New Shores.

Friday 11th July

• Time to resistance a tiny kid kicking and screaming done the snowfall successful Dogwalk. Or nonstop troops screaming and perchance kicking into alien hives via banks of datafeeds successful autobattler Xenopurge. Or ticker Tony Hawk autumn kicking and screaming disconnected his skateboard successful the remake du jour, Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3 + 4. There is nary kicking and screaming successful turn-based mech strategy sim Death Ring: Second Impact, I think, unless it's 1 of those atrocious Evangelion situations wherever the mechs transmit conflict harm to their pilots.

Did you perceive astir the femme fatale who had to instrumentality her pond birds backmost to the petshop? You see, her Lake Ducks wouldn't quack. Did you perceive astir the femme fatale who went bankrupt? You see, her agelong changeable investments wouldn't quadruple. Did you perceive astir the femme fatale who had to telephone disconnected her Roman-themed drinking party? You see, her legionnaires wouldn't quaff. Oh god, I can't stop. Somebody marque maine stop.