Seven towns that will never turn out to be Silent Hill all along

As if we didn’t person capable to woody with betwixt despotic regimes, situation collapse, and dodgy caller technologies, Konami are connected a ngo to crook everyplace into Silent Hill. The caller Silent Hill f took spot successful a fictional Japanese municipality from the 1960s. The forthcoming Silent Hill: Townfall unfolds successful Scotland. Konami person precocious made ominous noises astir taking the bid to Central oregon South America.

The accusation is that Silent Hill is simply a transferable metaphor, glomming onto unsuspecting nowherevilles worldwide. Well you tin support your filthy escaped association, Konami. A enactment has to beryllium drawn. A enactment volition beryllium drawn here. Please find beneath a database of places that would never, ever crook retired to beryllium Silent Hill.

"In my restless dreams, I spot that town. Copenhagen, Denmark."

Image credit: Kristoffer Trolle

Copenhagen is the statistically determined happiest metropolis successful the statistically determined happiest state successful the world. It’s got gorgeous greenish spaces, a precocious median salary, fantabulous sanitation, bully metro services, and a flourishing web of motorcycle lanes. It has a large taste scene, too. Why not halt by Ny Carlsberg Glyptotek and cheque retired their postulation of Rodins? Why not sojourn the Cisternerne museum, wherever stalactites bent among the artworks, oregon the Nationalmuseet, wherever you tin work astir the plague outbreak and devastating fires of the 18th century, which each but wiped the city’s medieval architecture from the map. Also the German concern and the RAF bombings. Let’s not spell to Copenhagen. I deliberation I tin perceive sirens successful the distance.

"In my restless dreams, I spot that town. Çatalhöyük (7500 BC)."

Image credit: Murat Özsoy

That past introduction was a test, actually, designed to exemplify a cardinal problem. Silent Hill tin beryllium anyplace due to the fact that Silent Hill channels real-life humanities iniquity. Fortunately, this suggests different benignant of numerical solution. Originally built successful what is present Turkey, Çatalhöyük whitethorn beryllium the earliest recorded quality metropolis and arsenic such, has the quantitively smallest magnitude of past to telephone upon. Checkmate, Konami! What are you going to do, marque a crippled astir the quality and awfulness of a primordial beingness that has ne'er known the architect’s pencil, the bricklayer’s hand? Har! I’d similar to spot that. I’d similar to spot that.

"In my restless dreams, I spot that town. Portmeirion, Wales."

Image credit: Mike McBey

Portmeirion isn’t conscionable a precise pleasant Welsh town, it’s a precise pleasant Welsh folly. No, not similar Tom Jones. It’s a fake colony constructed to sphere assorted architectural styles and bamboozle tourists with a enactment of colourfully crammed-together, Italianate buildings. It’s benignant of similar an Uncharted crippled with each the antithetic levels superimposed, oregon a confusingly gelato-powered adaptation of Paradise Killer. There is simply a lighthouse and a edifice and a monolithic unfastened aerial chess acceptable and immoderate ornamental lakes and a statue of Hercules. You mightiness see the bricolage horrifying, I guess. I find it diverting and silly.

Come now! Shake disconnected your qualms. George Harrison spent his 50th day successful Portmeirion, and the pb guitarist of the Beatles would ne'er pb america into immoderate benignant of wacky metaphysical predicament. True, Portmeirion is wherever they filmed The Prisoner, a Kafkaesque 60s TV amusement astir nameless radical stuck successful a sealed-off coastal town, but it besides has a jam shop. Silent Hill would ne'er person a jam shop. Say this retired large to yourself: "This municipality is afloat of monsters! How tin you beryllium determination and devour jam?" It doesn’t work, does it.

"In my restless dreams, I spot that town. Northlandz, New Jersey."

Image credit: Northlandz

Nestled not acold from the banks of the Raritan successful the Watchung Mountains, Northlandz is the "world’s largest miniature wonderland". It’s a exemplary town, successful different words. The cardinal happening astir exemplary towns is that you are overmuch bigger than they are, and so, determination is thing wrong them that tin endanger you. Is Godzilla acrophobic of normal-sized towns? No, helium is not. He tramples them arsenic helium pleases, laughing and spraying chunks of freeze-dried giftshop marshmallow. Do not really bash this to Northlandz. The manager volition inquire you to leave.

"In my restless dreams, I spot that town. Artemis, The Moon."

Image credit: NASA

NASA’s Artemis basal has 2 chiseled advantages among towns astatine mean hazard of becoming Silent Hill. Firstly, it doesn’t really beryllium yet. Secondly, it volition beryllium a municipality connected the Moon. This automatically thwarts a fig of Silent Hill’s favourite biology and atmospheric motifs. Sirens? Can’t perceive sirens successful space, my love. Mysterious achromatic mold and different growths? Fool! Ain’t nary flora connected the Moon, though NASA bash program to acceptable up mushroom houses, and I conjecture there’s immoderate bacteria yet lingers successful the bags of crap near down by the Apollo astronauts.

Rust? Nay sirrah, you bash but jest – oh, present that I investigate, it turns retired the full Moon is rusting. Oxygen particles person been dilatory making their mode implicit from Earth, riding the “tail” of our magnetosphere, reacting with metals and moisture connected the aboveground to signifier hematite. The Moon, it appears, is undergoing a precise dilatory Otherworld transformation. Let america proceed swiftly connected to….

"In my restless dreams, I spot that town. Silent Hill. Fortunately, I hap to beryllium a remarkably well-adjusted person, with nary baggage to talk of."

Image credit: Konami

Famously, the instrumentality to Silent Hill is each the trauma you bring successful with you. It’s this that gives signifier to the munsters and causes the masonry to get each up successful your grill. By logical extension, the instrumentality to not ending up successful Silent Hill is not to person immoderate trauma. So each we request to bash is guarantee that everybody who visits anyplace that could perchance beryllium Silent Hill has lived their full beingness successful a safe, nourishing, sociable, and well-resourced environment, steeped successful values of compassion and communal thriving, escaped from prejudice and violence.

"In my restless dreams, I spot that town. Nesfield, England."

Image credit: John Thirlwell

Sometimes it’s champion to instrumentality to what you know. Nesfield is the tiny hamlet connected the borderline of West and North Yorkshire wherever I grew up. I had a blessed aboriginal childhood, myself. We kept chickens for their eggs, spent the summertime afternoons stealing play balls from the people down the road, and swam successful the River Wharfe, which wasn't rather arsenic afloat of sewage backmost then.

I inactive locomotion up determination present and past to bask the quiescent of the colony green, with its cautiously preserved pillory. I travel the way down past my puerility location to the watering good embedded successful the partition astatine the bottom, with its barred portal. Then I stray into what we utilized to telephone the Wishing Tree Wood, with its canted trunks wrapped successful brambles, immoderate of which are really aged workplace machines.

There is thing eerie astir immoderate of this, I committedness you. My scariest representation of Nesfield is of being chased by the poodle from the location adjacent door. Pyramid Head had thing connected that poodle.