Red Sox star Jarren Duran opens up about trying to take his own life: 'I didn’t even want to be here anymore'

This communicative discusses suicide. If you oregon idiosyncratic you cognize is having thoughts of suicide, delight interaction the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline astatine 988 oregon 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

The Boston Red Sox are the taxable for Netflix’s latest behind-the-scenes docuseries, entitled "The Clubhouse: A Year With the Red Sox."

One of the interviews conducted during the 2024 play was with outfielder Jarren Duran, who had a breakout All-Star campaign. But the interrogation was rather the superior one, arsenic helium discussed his 2021 and 2022 seasons, which helium said fueled his attempted suicide. 

Duran has been unfastened astir his intelligence wellness struggles he’s dealt with, arsenic helium wasn’t gathering his precocious expectations wrong the enactment to commencement his large league career. 

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Jarren Duran #16 of the Boston Red Sox prepares to bat against the Kansas City Royals astatine Kauffman Stadium connected Aug. 5, 2024 successful Kansas City, Missouri. (Ed Zurga/Getty Images)

He revealed that helium got the constituent wherever "I was sitting successful my room. I had my rifle, and I had a bullet, and I pulled the trigger, and the weapon clicked, but thing happened."

"To this day, I deliberation God conscionable didn’t fto maine instrumentality my ain beingness due to the fact that I earnestly don’t cognize wherefore it didn’t spell off. I took it arsenic a motion of, ‘I mightiness person to beryllium present for a reason,’ truthful that’s erstwhile I started to look myself successful the reflector aft the weapon didn’t spell off," Duran said successful the docuseries, per ESPN. "I was like, ‘Do I privation to beryllium here, oregon bash I not privation to beryllium here? That happened for a reason, and evidently you’re present for a reason, truthful let’s beryllium the mode you privation to beryllium and play [the way] you privation to play and unrecorded the mode you privation to live.'"

Duran elaborate being successful a acheronian spot portion proceeding fans berate him successful the outfield during games. They were yelling to him to spell backmost to Triple-A Worcester, and galore different things that lone added to however helium felt.

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"I was already proceeding it from fans," helium said. "And what they said to me, [it was like],‘I’ve told myself 10 times worse successful the mirror. That was a truly pugnacious clip for me. I didn’t adjacent privation to beryllium present anymore."

Duran was a rookie during the 2021 season, erstwhile helium slashed .215/.241/.336 with a .578 OPS implicit 33 games. He deed 3 doubles, 2 triples and 2 homers with 10 RBI that year. 

His 2022 run wasn’t overmuch better, arsenic helium deed .221 with 3 homers and 17 RBI implicit 58 games (204 at-bats).

However, Duran turned things astir successful 2023, arsenic helium slashed .295/.346/.482 with 34 doubles, 8 homers and 40 RBI implicit 102 games for Boston. 

Manager Alex Cora #13 of the Boston Red Sox reacts with Jarren Duran #16 of the Boston Red Sox arsenic helium is presented with the Heart & Hustle Award earlier a crippled against the Houston Astros connected August 11, 2024 astatine Fenway Park successful Boston, Massachusetts. (Maddie Malhotra/Boston Red Sox/Getty Images)

He had a vocation twelvemonth successful 2024, starring MLB successful doubles (48), triples (14), at-bats (671) and sheet appearances (735), portion belting 21 homers with 75 RBI. 

Duran besides made his archetypal vocation All-Star Game, earning MVP honors aft belting a location tally that helped the American League bushed the National League. 

There was immoderate contention with Duran past season, though, arsenic MLB suspended him 2 games for saying an anti-gay slur toward a fan. He would rapidly apologize, saying that helium was atrocious for his actions and would enactment to beryllium amended from his mistake. 

"Jarren's determination to stock his communicative is an enactment of courageousness that reaches acold beyond baseball," Red Sox president and CEO Sam Kennedy said successful a statement, via ESPN. "By opening up, he's showing others who whitethorn beryllium struggling that they're not unsocial and that asking for assistance isn't conscionable OK, it's essential.

Jarren Duran #16 of the Boston Red Sox reacts with a 2024 Boston Marathon medal earlier a crippled against the Houston Astros connected August 10, 2024 astatine Fenway Park successful Boston, Massachusetts.  (Maddie Malhotra/Boston Red Sox/Getty Images)

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"Every subordinate of this enactment continues to basal with him."

So acold this season, Duran is hitting .239 (11-for-46) with 2 doubles, 1 triple and 7 RBI implicit 10 games. 

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