Red Sox's Jarren Duran reveals suicide attempt in Netflix doc: 'I'm still here and I'm still fighting'

Jarren Duran‘s way to batting leadoff for the Boston Red Sox, being named the 2024 All-Star Game MVP and jump-starting his earning imaginable by signing a one-year, $3.75-million declaration with a nine enactment for $8 cardinal successful 2026 has been thing but linear.

The erstwhile Cal State Long Beach and Cypress High outfielder is unfastened astir his intelligence wellness struggles that person included a verbal outburst toward a fan, wearing a T-shirt with a profane connection and — astir concerning for Duran and his loved ones — slump and a termination effort successful 2022.

Interviewed for an eight-part Netflix docuseries “The Clubhouse: A Year With the Red Sox” that volition premiere Tuesday, Duran said helium was truthful hard connected himself that helium did not privation to live.

“I was already proceeding it from fans,” Duran said successful the docuseries. “And what they said to me, [it was like], ‘I’ve told myself 10 times worse successful the mirror.’ That was a truly pugnacious clip for me. I didn’t adjacent privation to beryllium present anymore.”

The 28-year-old described the infinitesimal helium astir killed himself successful frighteningly stark terms.

“I got to a constituent wherever I was sitting successful my room, I had my firearm and I had a slug and I pulled the trigger and the weapon clicked, but thing happened,” helium said. “So, to this day, I deliberation God conscionable didn’t fto maine instrumentality my ain beingness due to the fact that I earnestly don’t cognize wherefore it didn’t spell off. I took it arsenic a motion of, I mightiness person to beryllium present for a reason, truthful that’s erstwhile I started to look myself successful the reflector aft the weapon didn’t spell off.

“I was like, ‘Do I privation to beryllium here, oregon bash I not privation to beryllium here?’ That happened for a crushed and evidently you’re present for a reason, truthful let’s beryllium the mode you privation to beryllium and play [the way] you privation to play and unrecorded the mode you privation to live.”

Duran enjoyed a breakout play successful 2024, starring the American League successful doubles (48), triples (14), sheet appearances (735) and at-bats (671). He batted .285 with 191 hits, 111 runs scored, 21 location runs and 34 stolen bases.

His ascent began successful 2023 erstwhile helium deed .295 with 24 stolen bases successful 102 games aft being recalled from triple A, and coincided with his newfound resolve.

“Jarren’s determination to stock his communicative is an enactment of courageousness that reaches acold beyond baseball,” Red Sox president and Chief Executive Sam Kennedy said successful a statement. “By opening up, he’s showing others who whitethorn beryllium struggling that they’re not unsocial and that asking for assistance isn’t conscionable OK, it’s essential.

“Every subordinate of this enactment continues to basal with him. He has our deepest admiration, he’s ever had our afloat enactment and we’re incredibly fortunate to person him arsenic portion of our team.”

Duran was a seventh-round draught prime of the Red Sox retired of Cal State Long Beach successful 2018. In assemblage and aboriginal successful his pro career, helium exhibited bully velocity and athleticism but small power. That changed successful 2021 erstwhile helium deed 16 homers successful 60 triple-A games and was promoted to the Red Sox.

However, helium struggled, hitting .215 with 2 location runs successful 33 games. The pursuing play was a repeat, with bully numbers successful triple A followed by batting .221 with 3 homers successful 58 games.

By August, 2022, helium was spiraling mentally, telling MassLive, “I can’t speech astir excessively overmuch of it, but I’ve been beauteous debased this year. It has been a conflict to enactment [in the large leagues]. I don’t truly speech to my household astir my debased points due to the fact that I’m truthful closed disconnected to everybody.

“I’m benignant of conscionable tearing myself up internally and get beauteous depressed and worldly similar that. I find it hard to scope retired to radical due to the fact that I don’t privation to fuss different radical with my problems. I benignant of conscionable physique it up wrong myself, which evidently makes everything a batch worse.”

Major League Baseball offers players intelligence wellness resources that helped Duran, and the Red Sox person agelong provided large and insignificant league players with broad wellness services.

“The Red Sox person offered ... intelligence wellness screenings, situation effect protocols, acquisition programming, and entree to some in-house attraction and trusted extracurricular specialists,” the Red Sox said successful a statement. “Support spans each 7 Minor League affiliates and involves collaboration crossed medical, performance, and coaching unit to guarantee attraction is disposable astatine each level.”

Last August, hardly a period removed from being named All-Star Game MVP aft helium deed a two-run location successful the American League’s victory, Duran was suspended 2 games for shouting a homophobic slur astatine a instrumentality who was heckling him.

Duran expressed remorse to reporters afterward, though helium did truthful portion wearing a T-shirt that work “F— ‘em,” making immoderate onlookers wonderment however superior helium was astir contrition. The T-shirt was initiated by Duran and besides worn by teammates to enactment his efforts successful dealing with his intelligence wellness issues.

In the docuseries, Duran said that avoiding slump requires changeless effort. He keeps a regular diary and employs written reminders that impulse him to triumph the battle.

“On [the portion on] my near wrist, I write, ‘F— ‘em,’ due to the fact that it’s maine telling my demons, ‘You’re not going to faze me’,” helium said. “And connected my close wrist, I write, ‘Still alive’ due to the fact that I’m inactive present and I’m inactive fighting.”