'Pee-wee as Himself' gives Paul Reubens the final word on his identity

“I was calved successful 1938 successful a small location connected the borderline of the Mississippi River; my begetter worked connected a steamboat and his sanction was Steamboat Milton,” says Paul Reubens by mode of misdirection successful Matt Wolf’s sideways-titled documentary epic “Pee-wee arsenic Himself,” premiering Friday connected HBO. (Pee-wee is ever lone himself, but Paul Reubens was often — and the lone — Pee-wee Herman.)

Identity is astatine the bosom of this communicative — the unresolvable narration betwixt the existent self, the created aforesaid and the nationalist self. He wants to “be much known,” to “explain myself,” to “answer immoderate questions … who I truly am, and what’s my story, and however did it all, like, shingle down” and “to acceptable the grounds consecutive connected a mates of things, and that’s beauteous overmuch it.” It is besides joyful and delightful successful a mode that needs nary mentation due to the fact that it is afloat of Pee-wee Herman, knocked down to emergence again.

“It turns retired you’re not expected to nonstop your ain documentary,” says Reubens, who besides tells Wolf, “I consciousness similar I’m going to travel retired astatine the different extremity of this process and beryllium like, tch, I told everybody, I could person directed this documentary.”

Unknown to Wolf, Reubens, who sat for 40 hours of interviews earlier withdrawing from the task for unstated reasons successful the film, had been sick with a humor crab for six years. (He died successful 2023.) But the taxable offers immoderate foreshadowing. “This is specified a dumb happening to say, but decease is truthful last that to beryllium capable to get your connection successful astatine the past minute, oregon astatine immoderate point, is incredible.”

Whose movie is it anyway? Control is simply a recurring theme, arsenic it regards his enactment but besides his idiosyncratic and what helium would and wouldn’t amusement the world. First helium decided to wantonness each his different drama characters — helium had respective — to ore connected Pee-wee, and past to retreat into the character, conducting his nationalist concern exclusively successful costume. He had already determined, successful the work of his career, to fell the information that helium was gay, and walked distant from a narration that was making him consciousness excessively settled: “I was arsenic retired arsenic you could be, and past I went backmost successful the closet. I could pass.” (There would beryllium “many, galore secretive relationships.”) These were antithetic times, astatine slightest for an histrion looking for mainstream success.

“I was arsenic retired arsenic you could be, and past I went backmost successful the closet. I could pass,” said Paul Reubens successful “Pee-wee arsenic Himself.”

(Michael Ochs Archives / Getty Images)

Reubens tin look similar an uncooperative taxable — though nary taxable who sits for 40 hours of interviews tin truly beryllium said to beryllium uncooperative — and determination is simply a definite puckishness, oregon Pee-wee-ness, successful his fencing with Wolf: “I deliberation truly if you don’t hold with maine past you’re incorrect — no, I don’t truly deliberation that — each right, possibly I bash deliberation that a small spot — no, I don’t, I’m kidding. Or americium I? I don’t know. I don’t cognize if I’m kidding. I know. But you don’t.”

And helium does marque a point. While galore personage documentaries are innocuous self-celebrations produced by the subjects oregon by their estates, successful a much unfastened arrangement, the idiosyncratic down the camera whitethorn person permission to signifier and explicit their ain ideas astir the idiosyncratic successful beforehand of it. And though “Pee-wee arsenic Himself” is affluent and respectful, it is, similar immoderate specified portion of life, besides selective — edited and ordered, shaped to an end: “I consciousness similar it’s precise casual to crook my communicative into, ‘I’m a victim’ successful immoderate mode oregon ‘I’m the antheral down the mask, the tears of a clown’ … I don’t privation it to beryllium that.”

Wolf has not made that movie, and though helium mightiness person near specified comments retired of the movie — and portion it’s imaginable to marque excessively overmuch of them, oregon to instrumentality earnestly what’s meant ironically — they bash capable retired the portrait, interestingly.

The bulk of it, of course, is illustrated history, framed by remarks from Reubens and his colleagues, co-stars, household and friends. It’s the communicative of a idiosyncratic driven to marque a amusement of himself — from circus campy and performances with Sarasota’s Asolo Repertory Theatre, to California Institute of the Arts, wherever Reubens fto his freak emblem alert (theater section classmates included Katey Sagal and David Hasselhoff — if there’s a large revelation successful “Pee-wee arsenic Himself” it’s that the Hoff went to CalArts). After graduation, the beingness of a young histrion struggling successful 1970s Hollywood led him to the Groundlings Theatre connected Melrose Avenue, wherever helium created and developed the quality that would beryllium his ain making. The sanction comes from a marque of tiny harmonica and the past sanction of a kid helium knew successful school, and helium liked it due to the fact that helium thought it sounded real: “If you were making up a name, wouldn’t you marque up a amended sanction than that?”

As successful an aged Hollywood movie wherever a amusement concern vocation grows from signifier to signifier and country to scene, “The Pee-wee Herman Show” moved up from the Groundlings to the Roxy Theatre, and past to an HBO special, arsenic the prima made appearances connected David Letterman and went connected a nationalist circuit astatine the extremity of which helium was fixed the accidental to marque a movie. Then helium was signed to marque a Saturday greeting kids show, the divine “Pee-wee’s Playhouse,” a colorful, chaotic bastion of diversity, inclusivity and all-around acceptance, earlier anyone was throwing astir those words. Even if you were determination for this, you mightiness person forgotten the interaction and excitement it generated. He was a cult figure, not conscionable for some, but for everyone.

Paul Reubens successful quality portion connected circuit with “The Pee-wee Herman Show” successful 1984.

(HBO / Pee-wee Herman Productions, Inc.)

“There wasn’t truly a infinitesimal successful the ’80s,” says Reuben, “that it wasn’t ace chill to beryllium me.”

On the (mildly) antagonistic side, we larn that, arsenic a perfectionist, helium could beryllium hard to enactment with. That helium could clasp a grudge. (Of Phil Hartman, who played Captain Carl successful the archetypal “Pee-wee Herman Show” until helium near for “Saturday Night Live,” Reubens says, “Good for him,” not sounding similar helium means it — then, self-mocking, “I’ll get my violin.”) Reubens regretted the anonymity that made Pee-wee a hit, but astatine the aforesaid clip didn’t consciousness similar helium was decently recognized for his originative publication to “Pee-wee’s Big Adventure,” which helium co-wrote with Hartman and Michael Varhol, and notes that portion Pee-wee has a prima connected Hollywood’s Walk of Fame, helium doesn’t. (“Little spot of irony … Gives maine determination to go.”)

And determination are, unavoidably, 2 arrests that made a batch of headlines, and which said much astir the investigators than the investigated. The first, for indecent vulnerability successful an big movie theater, “I mislaid power of my anonymity, and it was devastating.” The second, a cooked-up complaint of owning kid pornography, hung connected a azygous representation from Reuben’s postulation of vintage erotica (out of immoderate 30,000 examined), and was yet bumped down to a misdemeanor obscenity charge. Fans — many? most? all? — saw these arrests arsenic peculiar atrocious attraction accorded to a celebrated person, but, says Reubens, “30 years later, I inactive consciousness the effects each the time.”

Reubens made a signaling the time earlier helium died, which Wolf plays implicit shots of the actor’s plot and its carnal visitors. (He had, we learn, a greenish thumb, and loved nature.) His dependable is audibly weaker and bushed than his on-camera interviews. The thought of the film, says Reubens, who was inactive wounded by the thought that helium mightiness beryllium mistaken for a pedophile, “was to fto radical spot who I truly americium and however achy oregon hard it was to beryllium labeled thing I wasn’t … to beryllium labeled a pariah and person radical frightened of you oregon unsure of you oregon untrusting, oregon who look astatine what your intentions are done immoderate benignant of filter that’s not existent … I wanted radical to recognize that wherever there’s smoke, determination isn’t ever fire.” His full career, helium says, “was based successful emotion and my tendency to entertain and bring glee and creativity to young people, and to everyone.”

“Pee-wee arsenic Himself” is fundamentally a emotion song, arsenic is lone proper; there’d beryllium nary crushed to marque the movie if it weren’t. Would Reubens person liked it? Maybe yes, possibly no, rather perchance yes and no. But it’s a rewarding circuit of the beingness and vocation of a idiosyncratic who agelong remained backstage astir things that weren’t truly anybody’s business, yet 1 time decided to speech astir (some of) them, and had overmuch to accidental astir the things helium shared with everyone.

One would anticipation that viewers volition find successful Reuben’s ain beingness the connection helium beamed from the “Playhouse.” Be creative, beryllium brave, beryllium yourself. Not everyone volition emotion you for it, and beingness volition not ever beryllium easy. But however dull would the alternate be.