L.A. Affairs: We had a good connection. Why did he break up with me before Valentine's Day?

We met astatine the car wash. Seated successful the shade, we struck up a speech astir our Thanksgivings. He asked to conscionable the adjacent time astatine Lifeguard Tower 17 to surf. When I showed up, Jon, already successful the water, waved and smiled astatine me. We surfed together, fulfilling a romanticist dream. We laughed successful betwixt waves.

On our 2nd date, we lunched astatine a Japanese restaurant, wherever helium asked astir my values and dreams. We realized however alike we were. On our 3rd date, we held hands arsenic we walked our rescue dogs successful a park.

Two months in, helium asked, “Can I suggest to you aft six months?”

I said, “Yes.”

Three months in, helium drove maine astir his perfect neighborhood, asking if I could spot myself surviving determination and joking that he, his daughters and I would each ticker “Chopped” together.

I wanted it all: the proposal, the neighborhood, the 2 daughters, him.

But Jon broke up with maine — a time earlier Valentine’s Day — successful a rambling voicemail. I was truthful confused that I emailed him for clarification. He wasn’t acceptable to settee down until his daughters near for college, and helium had to flooded his ex-wife’s infidelity.

I believed we’d yet reunite similar successful a rom-com: We’d paddle done waves and buss crossed our surfboards.

Yet connected the summertime solstice, I spotted his SUV astatine the beach. My eyes jumped to his achromatic surfboard and an unfamiliar bluish committee connected apical of his car. I panicked, wondering whose surfboard laic atop his.

After all, Jon had precocious texted maine astir surfing unneurotic again. Hearing from him had appeased my bruised ego.

Spotting the surfboards piqued my curiosity. With the crowd, I remained unseen, trudging toward the water, portion trying to drawback show of him and his surf partner. My yearly solstice dip didn’t nutrient immoderate elation. Instead, disorder and jealousy had settled in. Leaving, I spotted Jon beside a pistillate with a tanned body, her bikini apical overflowing with D cups supra a toned belly. I ne'er saw her face.

With his texts, Jon had buttered maine up: however large my cooking is, however bully I americium to my dogs, however cute I am. Then helium called, and I answered. He wanted to surf, but I wouldn’t. I couldn’t. I needed much mea culpa. And conscionable similar that, helium disappeared.

But determination helium snuggled beside a cleanable assemblage — a acold outcry from my petite, curvy self.

Days later, Stacey, a CrossFit acquaintance, posted a representation lasting beside a surfboard with a reddish stripe down the middle, a committee similar Jon’s.

A fewer weeks later, she messaged me, admitting she was dating Jon, and saying if helium showed up astatine CrossFit functions, she didn’t privation maine to beryllium surprised. Two days later, I’d beryllium volunteering astatine an lawsuit Stacey was competing in.

She signed disconnected with “I anticipation determination are nary hard feelings.”

I responded: “Absolutely nary hard feelings. Kick immoderate ass successful your competition.” And I added a smiley look emoji.

The alleviation of knowing lasted 20 minutes. I thought I’d obsess little now, instead, a caller occupation presented itself: Why her and not me?

At the event, Stacey complimented maine connected however cute I looked. (I worked cleavage, braided pigtails and a trucker hat.) A insignificant triumph for me. When our eyes met, Jon and I nodded astatine each different from crossed the contention area.

As I was leaving, helium signaled for maine to stop. After amicable chitchat, helium asked wherefore helium ne'er saw maine around.

“I was amazed erstwhile I saw your car astatine San Onofre,” I told him. That’s a surf spot astir 20 miles southbound of our section spot. When we dated, we ne'er near our ZIP Code.

“Why didn’t we spot you retired there? You should person said hi.”

I indispensable person made a look due to the fact that helium added, “We’re each adults. You should person surfed with us.”

“I’m not going to surf with you two.”

“It’s not similar we’re each kumbaya retired there,” Jon said.

About a week later, portion walking connected the beach, I spotted Jon and Stacey surfing disconnected the lifeguard operation Jon and I surfed astatine and the aforesaid interruption wherever we kissed successful betwixt sets.

Stacey and Jon had present been unneurotic longer than we were, yet I inactive struggled with their coupledom. She signed him up arsenic her plus-one for the CrossFit vacation party. I didn’t go. I stopped going to each CrossFit events. I discontinue surfing astatine the formation wherever we had surfed unneurotic and wherever I archetypal stood up connected a board.

But Jon and I weren’t a large fit. I had ignored reddish flags due to the fact that helium was cute, comic and kind, and helium loved the water too.

But my heart, my encephalon and my ego would not judge his caller relationship. I felt similar the epitome of a cliché: wanting what I couldn’t have. Although I didn’t privation him, my self-esteem plummeted erstwhile I saw Stacey due to the fact that I could lone think: Why did she win?

I yet realized I was lone punishing myself. I translated Jon and Stacey’s palmy narration into a score: She won, I lost; helium won, I lost.

When I yet returned to CrossFit’s vacation enactment a twelvemonth aboriginal — solo — Stacey came with a caller boyfriend. How did that happen? Two relationships to my none.

Two weeks later, Stacey and I attended a workout, which coincided with her birthday. I asked astir her plans. “My boyfriend’s cooking maine dinner. Not Jon. My caller boyfriend.” Then, she smiled.

Between sets, I mustered up the courageousness to say, “Speaking of Jon, I beryllium you an apology for giving you atrocious vibes erstwhile you were dating him. That was my issue.”

“You ne'er did, but I understood wherefore it would person been hard connected you.”

I thanked her and realized I’d forced myself into a contention that neither Stacey nor I needed to beryllium in. Jon was ne'er the prize.

And I didn’t request to apologize to her. I needed to forgive myself for the unnecessary symptom I added to a hard situation. I doubted myself truthful much. I gave them powerfulness implicit me, my workouts and my clip connected my board, connected the waves and successful my beloved ocean.

The writer teaches originative penning astatine a section arts precocious school. She’s connected Instagram: @littlemighty

L.A. Affairs chronicles the hunt for romanticist emotion successful each its glorious expressions successful the L.A. area, and we privation to perceive your existent story. We wage $400 for a published essay. Email [email protected]. You tin find submission guidelines here. You tin find past columns here.