L.A. Affairs: I based the perfect union on a TV show marriage. Was I ready for reality?

I’d ne'er been truthful excited. Standing successful line, my legs were bouncing truthful accelerated I was fundamentally hopping. I’m not usually wowed by celebrities, but erstwhile I learned my idol, Dick Van Dyke, was taking photos with fans, I couldn’t walk up the opportunity.

As I reached the front, I was trying to determine what to accidental to the legendary actor. “I emotion your work,” seemed excessively pedestrian. “I emotion you!” was creepy. As the options swirled successful my head, it occurred to maine that this was however kids consciousness waiting to conscionable Santa Claus. And possibly Van Dyke is a small similar Santa: achromatic hair, rosy cheeks, jolly and wholesome. I’ve ever thought determination was thing astir him that seemed a small spot magic.

I’m astir 7 decades younger than Van Dyke, who precocious turned 100, but I’ve ever adored him. Growing up successful Los Angeles, I loved watching “Mary Poppins” and “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang,” but my favourite was “The Dick Van Dyke Show.”

I loved watching Van Dyke’s character, Rob Petrie, negociate hijinks astatine enactment and home. He adored his wife, Laura (played by Mary Tyler Moore), and brought that goofy, fun, don’t-take-yourself-so-seriously charm to astir each scene.

“Hi-lo,” I said erstwhile I got to the beforehand of the line, caught betwixt “Hi” and “Hello.”

“How bash you do?” I deliberation helium said, but I couldn’t beryllium sure. In my excitement, my senses were failing me.

“Smile!” A antheral down the camera instructed. I posed, past shuffled retired of the booth, trying not to accidental different embarrassing word. I collected my 8-by-10-inch representation and held it similar a treasure. At home, I proudly displayed it successful my surviving room.

Years later, I was joined with a toddler erstwhile I came crossed the framed representation successful a box. Life had been truthful busy, I couldn’t retrieve the past clip I sat down and watched my favourite actor. I turned connected “Mary Poppins” for my girl — and for me. Of course, she loved it.

The adjacent day, I bought Van Dyke’s audiobook “My Lucky Life In and Out of Show Business” and started listening to it during agelong drives successful metropolis traffic. I couldn’t judge however small I knew astir his life.

I learned astir his clip successful the Air Force, the years helium tried to find his spot arsenic a performer, his alcoholism and the times helium struggled to wage rent. I loved the book, impressed by Van Dyke’s vulnerability.

But past I got to the portion astir his divorce.

After being joined for 3 decades, Van Dyke began an matter successful the 1970s. He talked astir however the narration and different factors ended his marriage. I conjecture I knew Van Dyke had been joined much than once, but proceeding him speech astir this portion of his beingness was amazingly painful.

Reflexively, I swatted the disconnected fastener connected my car stereo. It was similar proceeding my ain dada speech astir an affair. I conscionable didn’t privation to perceive it.

For days, I felt angry, adjacent betrayed. I knew it wasn’t just to consciousness this way. I knew I was being irrational. But I’d held onto a imaginativeness of Van Dyke arsenic this great, funny, wholesome person.

I travel from a agelong enactment of divorced couples. My parents were divorced, arsenic were some sets of my grandparents and adjacent immoderate great-grandparents. I knew “The Dick Van Dyke Show” wasn’t real, but I liked to deliberation that determination was immoderate information to the charming, devoted matrimony I grew up watching. Van Dyke and the amusement gave maine anticipation that my aboriginal matrimony wouldn’t succumb to my evident household curse.

I felt deflated. I conjecture Van Dyke wasn’t arsenic wholesome arsenic I’d imagined.

Maybe I was other delicate — oregon other bitter. I was a fewer years into my ain marriage, and being joined was harder than I expected. I conjecture I thought astir of the enactment was picking the close person. So I’d been precise cautious erstwhile choosing a husband. I recovered idiosyncratic astute and amusive who made maine laugh. And we didn’t unreserved into marriage; we dated for years. I looked astatine his character, keeping an oculus connected the mode he’d speech to friends and strangers. I studied the mode helium treated maine erstwhile I was sick oregon overwhelmed. I could’ve written a thesis connected his personality. By the clip we got engaged, I was definite astir him.

But pandemic stressors took maine by surprise. Child-rearing, portion wonderful, brought retired caller sides of america that weren’t determination erstwhile we were dating. I thought that with each my caution up front, things would beryllium a breeze. But changing diapers, juggling deadlines and trying to marque country for each different was hard.

Also, my subconscious exemplary for matrimony wasn’t real. I’d tried not to replicate my household members’ unions, and successful that vacuum, I clung to a TV show. It felt ridiculous. Perfect relationships aren’t real. And neither is Rob Petrie.

I went to therapy. My hubby and I went to therapy together. Some days felt similar everything was going great, portion others near maine frustrated and exhausted. We kept trying to marque it work.

One day, I was driving my preschooler to a room communicative clip erstwhile I clicked Van Dyke’s audiobook again. Marriage seemed particularly impossible. As I listened to Van Dyke speech astir the extremity of his archetypal marriage, I recovered myself feeling strangely protective of my hubby and our relationship.

I didn’t privation to springiness up.

Thinking back, I respect Van Dyke’s inclusion of his divorce, and everything else, successful the book. I’m definite it’s not casual to constitute astir the extremity of a matrimony and to stock the details with the public.

Back successful college, erstwhile my hubby and I were recently dating, we went to Disneyland to spot an yearly vacation choir amusement during which a personage work the communicative of the archetypal Christmas. That night, the personage was Van Dyke.

I retrieve I’d admitted to my hubby that I dreaded Christmas each year. It ever reminded maine of my parents arguing implicit however to divided my clip (Christmas Eve here, Christmas Day there) and however I hated spending my vacation connected the road. Even arsenic a kid, I couldn’t subordinate to excitement implicit Christmas tone oregon Santa Claus.

That night, proceeding Van Dyke speak, I felt truthful happy, astatine bid and successful love. There was thing almighty and beauteous successful the air. Something that felt a small similar magic.

If we’re lucky, we’ll unrecorded a agelong life. Maybe adjacent scope a 100th birthday. But successful that time, we’re going to marque mistakes. We’re going to change. Not each partnerships volition last.

All we tin bash is anticipation to find idiosyncratic we like, who makes america laughter and helps america feel, adjacent conscionable erstwhile successful a while, that there’s magic successful the world.

The writer is simply a freelancer, a teacher and a ma of three. She lives successful Orange County. You tin find her connected Instagram: @jillianpretzelwriter.

L.A. Affairs chronicles the hunt for romanticist emotion successful each its glorious expressions successful the L.A. area, and we privation to perceive your existent story. We wage $400 for a published essay. Email [email protected]. You tin find submission guidelines here. You tin find past columns here.