Beware the bulldozers of March digging up the month’s 6 craziest stories

March has agelong had a Joan Jett-like "bad reputation," initially due to the fact that of the assassination of Julius Caesar. That’s wherever galore radical get 1 of the fewer Latin phrases they know: "Et tu, Brute?" oregon roughly, "You too, Brutus?" This year, we besides witnessed princesses with akin atrocious reps. The media vocation of wannabe Princess Meghan Markle took different deed with her lame Netflix location show. And Disney princess Rachel Zegler starred successful the much-panned "Snow White" remake.

Living up to oregon down to that atrocious estimation gives america the archetypal introduction successful our period of crazy:

1. Highway to Hell: The roadworthy to hellhole is virtually paved with bully intentions. When liberals hear the connection Amazon, they deliberation it’s a massive, important entity they privation to destroy. No, I’m not talking astir the Jeff Bezos-owned retailer. I’m talking astir the South American jungle, adjacent the tract of the latest bogus clime alteration meeting.

7 CRAZIEST STORIES FROM OUR SHORTEST MONTH

To fulfill the estimated 50,000 attendees astatine this year’s clime summit, Brazil carved an eight-mile road done the jungle truthful they could thrust to their destination, astir apt successful gas-guzzling SUVs. They person called the jungle-wrecking roadworthy the Avenida Liberdade oregon Avenue of Liberty. More impervious that clime do-gooders similar you bash bully and they bash well.

2. Choose your fighter: Video crippled fans have played countless versions of one-on-one combatant games, similar "Street Fighter" and "Mortal Kombat." In a bid to amended their societal media game, 7 Democrat congresswomen were included successful a little video montage entitled, "Choose Your Fighter." The video featured salient Dems appearing connected surface with fists a-flyin’. The substance beneath each "character" is surely memorable – similar "hates balloons" and "Not into hairsbreadth dye." Among the self-owners were New York Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez ("Trekkie") and Texas Rep. Jasmine Crockett ("Not a greeting person").

ABC News credited "a nutrient and wellness influencer who attended the House Democrats' creators event" for creating the worst video of 2025 – truthful far. The effect was truthful embarrassing that adjacent CNN anchor Abby Phillip said it, "seems to beryllium conscionable inviting ridicule." If you’ve mislaid CNN, who bash you person left?

3. Cheeto of power: The world’s run to abstracted foolish radical from currency doesn’t ever impact Vegas oregon March Madness betting. Sometimes, it’s the acquisition of thing elemental similar a Cheeto. According to the Associated Press, "A Cheeto shaped similar the beloved Pokémon Charizard has sold astatine auction for a full outgo of $87,840." The "3-inch agelong Flamin’ Hot Cheeto" had 60 auction bids. It’s not similar ownership of the Cheeto imparts Charizard’s occurrence onslaught oregon adjacent its flying ability. It’s conscionable a stale Cheeto that outgo arsenic overmuch arsenic a location downpayment successful overmuch of the U.S. Tough to swallow.

4. Turtle time: Say turtles and I, and galore Americans, commencement reasoning astir Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael and Michelangelo. We aren’t typically reasoning astir a mental wellness advisory board aiding the manager of Oregon's Health Authority. Sadly, this is 2025 and JD Holt is 1 of the "consumers" connected the panel. Holt has gone by "JD Terrapin" connected Facebook, and seemingly that’s not based connected University of Maryland fandom. Holt declared during a Dec. 20 virtual meeting, "I usage they, them and turtle for my pronouns."

Gender Wiki, the Wikipedia of made-up genders, includes references to "turtlegender" oregon adjacent "tortoisegender" arsenic having a peculiar sex necktie to turtles. Which I stake you were dying to know. This is Oregon, 1 of the lesser-known stops on the Yellow Brick Road. During a Dec. 17 meeting, different subordinate claimed to be, "Luke A Shooting Star." Your taxation dollars astatine work.

5. And speaking of turtles: If you alert anyplace (not with your Charizard), you’ve been done the TSA search. Maybe this communicative volition marque america each a spot much sympathetic to the TSA employees. A Pennsylvania antheral tried to smuggle a live, five-inch turtle done airdrome information by hiding it successful his pants. Now, the lone turtles I’m acquainted with are Snapping Turtles and you decidedly should not enactment them successful your pants.

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Here’s wherever you mightiness find conscionable a tiny spot of sympathy for the TSA. According to AP, "The turtle was confiscated, and it’s not wide if the turtle was the man’s favored oregon wherefore helium had it successful his pants." Thomas Carter, TSA’s national information manager for New Jersey had to respond to this connected the record. Not terrorism, conscionable turtles. "As champion arsenic we could tell, the turtle was not harmed by the man’s actions." If Elon Musk brings DOGE to New Jersey, Carter volition person to state turtle speech arsenic 1 of his week’s achievements.

6. Journalist combat club: My quest to support tabs connected far-left "journalists" leads maine to Washington Post columnist and erstwhile Global Opinions exertion Karen Attiah. She’s ever progressive connected the socials, blaming racism for astir thing and adjacent invoking astrology to bespeak the autumn of the U.S. empire. But she responded to a satirical station astir "Faculty Fight Night," with the memorable line, "I would LOVE to bash a media/journalism/writer combat night!"

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In her ain "lol" station connected the subject, she added, "Maybe alternatively of the White House Correspondent's [sic] Dinner, we should conscionable brawl for foundation / enactment communal aid." Now, that’s entertainment. Think of it, lefty CNN media defender Brian Stelter against rabid erstwhile sportscaster-turned TV host, turned immoderate Keith Olbermann is now. Tell maine you wouldn’t ticker pay-per-view oregon stake connected it if you could. (Sadly, my authorities refuses to let america to stake connected sports online.) In the words of our hero, Westley from "The Princess Bride," they should battle, "to the pain!"

Thanks, March, six examples of atrocious reps and truthful galore radical helping marque it each happen. In the words of Jett’s banger of a song, "Bad Reputation," "An' I'm ne'er gonna attraction 'bout my atrocious reputation." Maybe it’s clip immoderate radical successful the media should commencement caring. Until they do, astatine slightest they tin amuse us.

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